PIRATES: BAND OF MISFITS

2012, Aardman Animations

Stop-motion animation

Rating: PG

Approx. 88 mins.

THE STORY:
The Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant) is a laughing stock with no talent for getting booty. His lack of success has him on a mission to win the Pirate of the Year award to redeem himself with his crew and peers. To this end, he waylays a ship, which belongs to a young Charles Darwin. Wimpy and sexually frustrated, Darwin is also on a mission to gain acclaim and earn the affection of the object of his desire, a spoilt and selfish Queen Victoria.

When Darwin spots the captain's parrot, Polly, he recognizes it as a dodo, a bird previously presumed extinct. He realizes the bird is the key to riches and acclaim for them both, and convinces the captain to head to London to present the bird. The captain agrees, but he and his crew have to be creative since the queen has ordered all pirates seized.

When she sees the dodo, the queen wants it at any cost. Against his better judgment, the captain betrays his morals in order to gain enough riches to win Pirate of the Year. When he gives up Polly, however, he loses everything: status, riches, crew and identity. Things get worse when he learns Queen Victoria plans to eat Polly at a meeting of world leaders who eat rare animals. The captain has a crisis of conscience and sets off to rescue Polly. 

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• idiotic
• blasted
• stupid
• hate
• trollop

VIOLENCE:

• lots of weapons
• arm falls off man in plague boat
• Pirate King punches effigy of Queen to cheers

TEACHING POINTS:

• Success achieved immorally is not real success  

THE UPSHOT:

I loved this movie. It is smart, subtle, funny, visually appealing and unique. Even the soundtrack is fabulous: Flight of the Conchords, the Pogues, the Clash. In short, it is very adult-friendly. Therein lies the problem for my 4 year-old. Although the pirate concept is familiar, the pirate vernacular (scurvy, booty, shanty, etc.) was completely over her head, as was Darwin and his theories. Also, the humour is quite black at times (e.g. Queen Victoria chasing down the last known dodo to eat). 

The only thing that made me wince was Pirate Liz (Salma Hayek), a curvaceous, midriff baring "trollop." I liked the idea that she was a pirate on equal footing with the other captains, but was disappointed when she appeared in a sexualized dream sequence. Likewise, Queen Victoria is a strong, powerful woman, but is hardly a female role model.

Ultimately, my 4 year-old enjoyed it. Just not as much as I did.

4/5

POCAHONTAS

1995, Disney

Animated

Rating: G

Approx. 81 mins.

THE STORY:
A ship carrying a group of British sailors and soldiers in search of New World gold lands off the Virginia coast. Further inland, a tribe of Native Americans goes about its business, unaware that newcomers, muskets in hand, are seeking them out. Captain John Smith comes upon Pocahontas, daughter of the band's chief and is instantly smitten. 

Pocahontas' inconceivably fluent English and intense beauty convince him that his colonial mission to eradicate or civilize the "savages" is arrogant and misplaced. The problem is that the star-struck lovers each have to convince their people that there is a peaceful solution before the Indian warriors and white devils have a full out to-the-death battle.

Things come to a head when Smith is captured by the Natives and the English crew arrive to rescue him before he is killed. Both sides threaten to annihilate each other until Pocahontas intervenes and stops the violence. Smith, however, gets shot in the melee, and has to return to England where he can be treated. Pocahontas realizes that her place is at home, so the lovers part, glad to have had the chance to meet each other.

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• idiot
• blasted

VIOLENCE:

• gun violence: 2 Natives are shot and killed
• when Smith comes upon Pocahontas he is hunting for 'savages'; had she been male-- or heavy-set?-- she would presumably have been shot

TEACHING POINTS:

• colonialism was theft and exploitation
• violence does not solve conflicts, but makes them larger

THE UPSHOT:
I have my usual issue with the Disney female aesthetic. I like the fact that the central character is a strong, clever, independent woman, but wish she had more realistic proportions and features. 

But really the whole movie is a series of stereotypes: the  Natives  are fierce warriors with an innate spiritual side; the hero is blond, blue-eyed, muscular and has the WASPiest name possible; the heroine is a ridiculously beautiful Indian maiden whose destiny is to fall in love with the hero; the English aristocrat is greedy for riches and reputation and places no value on the lives of his men. Men carry guns and shoot to kill while women support their men and nurture relationships.

I think the film tries to respect First Nations culture, but from a very non-Native perspective. The idea of an inter-cultural relationship is also a positive, but it is the stereotypical dynamic: dominant culture male with ethnic female. And, in the end, their cultural and geographical differences ensure that their inter-racial love is largely unrequited. 

The caricature-like bad guys are constantly talking about "savages" and killing "savages." There is even a musical number in which both sides repeatedly describe their opponents as "savages." I understand this is meant to show that both sides have more in common than not, and that such judgments say more about those holding them than those being objectified, and so on. I just worry that with constant repetition of the negative model the positive message might get misinterpreted by young kids.  

Of course, my 4 year-old wasn't hung up on issues of colonialism, sexism or racism. She just loved the beautiful heroine and the whole Disney mystique. As much as she liked it, however, I wish she hadn't seen it. 

1/5

HAPPY FEET

2006, Warner Brothers

Animated

Rating: PG

Approx. 108 mins.

THE STORY:

Memphis (Hugh Jackman) and Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman) find each other and fall in love the way all emperor penguins do: they hear each other's heart-songs and know they have found The One. In time comes an egg and Norma Jean heads off with the other wives to hunt for fish, leaving Memphis to guard the egg. In an Elvis-inspired moment of distraction, he lets the egg roll away into the snow. 

Memphis is relieved when the egg hatches, but concerned when his baby starts to hop and dance in a very non-penguin way. Even worse, Mumble (Elijah Harper) cannot sing, presumably making it impossible for him to find his mate. Norma Jean loves and accepts her son, but Memphis deals with the colony's rejection of Mumble by blaming himself and by buying into the penguin elders' reactionary xenophobia. 

Eventually, Mumble is forced to leave the colony and his true love, Gloria (Brittany Murphy). He stumbles upon another colony and is befriended by an easy-going group of 'amigos' led by Ramon (Robin Williams). The band sets off to find the 'aliens' (i.e. humans) responsible for over-fishing and depleting the penguins' food supply. Mumble is caught and sent to a zoo where he is in danger of losing his mind until his dancing turns out to be his salvation. In the end, his tapping gets the attention of the 'aliens,' they see the effects of their over-fishing and the penguin colony is saved.

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• stupid

VIOLENCE:

• no violence, but some lightly scary/ threatening scenes

TEACHING POINTS:

• the contradictions of zoos
• the dangers of over-fishing
• difference does not have to be threatening
• yourself is the best thing you can be

THE UPSHOT:
The animation and music are engaging, and Robin Williams brings humour in his dual roles (the penguins Ramon and Lovelace). There is nothing really bad about the film, but I can't help wishing it was better. The film lacks focus and seems to go from story to story to story, making it feel far longer than its 108 minutes. It deals with some big, worthwhile themes-- e.g. bullying, over-fishing, animals in captivity, xenophobia, and accepting one's differences-- but spreads itself so thin that it never really makes any big statements about any of them. 

That said, the 4 year-old in the room was completely entertained, and the story provided a starting point for a few big discussions. 

Check out the extras for a scene featuring Steve Irwin that didn't make the movie's final cut. A fitting tribute.

3/5

HAPPY FEET 2

2011, Warner Brothers

Animated

Rating: PG

Approx. 100 mins.

THE STORY:

Mumble (Elijah Harper) the Emperor Penguin is all grown up with a family of his own. He has settled down with Gloria (Pink) and has a young son, Eric, who has trouble fitting in. Despite his own experiences as an outsider and his good intentions, Mumble just doesn't know how to help his son.

Like his father before him, Eric leaves the penguin colony with some friends to find his place. Mumble sets off after him and the penguins have various adventures along the way back home. They meet a variety of interesting characters including a truculent elephant seal and Sven the flying 'penguin'-- he's actually a well-intentioned puffin masquerading as a penguin to gain status.

When the penguins get back to Emperorland, they discover that a major shift in the ice has left the colony inaccessible. Not only can Mumble and the young penguins not get back to their families, but the penguins in the colony cannot get out to fish. After a number of interventions, the penguins get help from the other creatures sharing their environment-- seal, krill, puffin, etc.-- and the colony is saved.

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• stupid

VIOLENCE:

• no violence, but some lightly scary, threatening scenes

TEACHING POINTS:

• effects of global warming on the environment
• even the smallest effort can help produce results
• it's important to keep promises, especially when they are the ethical thing to do

THE UPSHOT:
I wasn't a huge fan of the original Happy Feet, so my expectations were low. And they were met. The movie feels far longer than its ??? minutes and when the end finally comes it is completely predictable. The movie touches on some worthwhile themes including global warming; but most of the messages remain at the level of subtext, and the film doesn't really say too much about them in the end. And then there's Elijah Harper's continuous quasi-whine.

The saving grace in this film is every scene involving Will (Brad Pitt) and Bill (Matt Damon), krill on a mission to move up the food chain. They have some hilarious exchanges, but their discussions of existential malaise and free will, etc. are intended to appease parents rather than kids.

All of that said, my 4 year-old is a big fan. The cute animals and silly voices are pretty much enough to win her over. It could be worse.

3/5

SHARK'S TALE

2004,  Dreamworks Animations

Animated

Rating: PG

Approx. 90 mins.

THE STORY:
Oscar (Will Smith) is a small fish with a big gambling problem that lands him in debt to shark mob boss Don Lino (Robert De Niro). The boss sends his two sons, Lenny (Jack Black) and Frankie (Michael Imperioli), to collect on the debt which Oscar is in no position to repay. Frankie is killed in a freak anchor accident and Lenny, a pacifistic vegetarian, can't do the deed. Oscar and Lenny concoct a plan to solve everyone's problems: Oscar takes credit for killing Frankie and Lenny, and Lenny disappears from the stressful mob world to become Oscar's accomplice.
Oscar becomes a local hero and begins to attract false friends (Angelina Jolie as a very very seductive gold-digger), and to turn his back on his true friends (Renee Zellweger). The strains of living a lie begin to show and both Oscar and Lenny are forced to be honest about who they really are and to accept the consequences of their deceit.
  

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• Dumb
• Dummy

VIOLENCE:

• none, but violence is a central theme

TEACHING POINTS:

• Be genuine if you want others to be genuine with you
• There are no short-cuts to really solving problems

THE UPSHOT:

The adults in the room really enjoyed it, but the 4 year-old was at a bit of a loss at times. The entire mob movie concept is a bit of a stretch for a young child, so I'm not sure that a lot of the plot elements were absorbed. Fortunately there is slapstick and music to amuse younger viewers.

The main issue I had was that, while there is no overt violence, the entire story is based in an act of extreme violence. Oscar takes credit for having killed a shark. He then lives under threat of retaliation from the shark mob. The only way he can counter this threat is with more violence and physical aggression. That most of this violence is unrealized is a positive, but for most of the movie it hovers over every aspect of the story. That added to the sexually-overt gold-digger stereotype character make the themes too mature for younger viewers.

3/5

MONSTERS UNIVERSITY

2013, Pixar

Animated

Rating: G

Approx. 104 mins.

THE STORY:

Mike (Billy Crystal) is a monster on a mission to become a Scarer, one of the elite at Monsters Inc. Sulley (John Goodman) is the son of a famous Scarer trying to live up to the family tradition. Sulley has the lineage and the natural attributes for the job, while Mike has the drive and work ethic. But before either can make it to the big leagues, they have to make it through the rigorous program at Monsters University.

The two become immediate enemies, but become linked when both are thrown out of the program and have to fight their way back in. They join forces with a fraternity of unlikely wanna-be Scarers (Sean Hayes, Dave Foley, Peter Sohn, etc.) to compete in the grueling Scare Games, knowing that victory is the only way to recapture their dream.

Through the competition, the two learn to appreciate each other's strengths and accept each other's weaknesses. In the end, they achieve their goals through hard work and ethical action.

QUESTIONABLE LANGUAGE:

• Stupid 
• Lame
• Loser

VIOLENCE:

• None

TEACHING POINTS:

• Living ethically is more important than living for personal success at any cost
• There are no short-cuts to true success
• Accepting people means accepting who they truly are
• Don't let others tell you who or what you are
• Some goals can't be achieved the way you think, so the challenge is to reframe your goals for success

THE UPSHOT:

This film works on a variety of levels depending on the viewer. For young kids, there is humour and action enough to entertain for the duration. For older kids, there is a lot of very positive messaging, both overt and subtle, on top of that. For adults there is the extra layer of humour that floats above the heads of younger viewers.

What I especially like about this movie is its realism. Mike wants to be a scarer, but he just isn't scary. He studies as hard as he can, he has the right attitude, he believes in himself; he does everything right. But he just doesn't have the essential attributes to achieve his dream. However, he doesn't curl up in a ball of self-pity. He takes the realization of his limitations and runs with it to become a scare coach, thereby putting his skills to use, indirectly achieving his initial goal, and ultimately achieving his full potential.     The ending is happy, but, unlike in a lot of kids' movies, not idealistically fantastical.

Although this film is available in 3D, there is no real justification for that. Save yourself the added expense and see it in regular format-- you won't be missing anything. 

4.5/5